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What I have to re-realize..

Is that life in America is not the norm.
For the vast majority of people deciding between a job that pays more than enough to survive and one that pays way more than enough to survive isn’t in the normal order of things.
For most people, life is a struggle.
Life is tough.
Life is hand-to-hand combat with a million different daily Goliath’s.
So..
When I get ready to complain, or get disgusted because I’m not comfortable.
When I wonder why “perfect” hasn’t arrived
When I wonder why my IDEAL isn’t realized
When I ask “How much longer must I wait”?

I need to take step back. Slip on my boxer gloves. Shut up.
Straighten my mouth-guard.
Then get back to the fight that is life.

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Mango. Pomegranate.

“Enjoy the fruits of your labor.”
Got some good advice from my family the other night. I was busy worrying about the next step and what I need to do to make myself Amazing in my next stage of life. They, with more words than were probably necessary, said “chill out”. You’ve worked hard to get where you are, enjoy it a bit, and set the next goal. I had to concur. Its important that we don’t sacrifice our sanity to the rat race, and instead take time to be thankful, to observe our surroundings and look behind us at the many steps we’ve taken to get to where we want to be. Once we make sure that we are on firm footing and leaning on God and not on our own understanding then we’ll be able to move forward with confidence.
So I think I’m going to take some time to stop. to breathe. to appreciate. And find out where my next step will be.

Thanks family.

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Depth.

So lately a theme in my life these days – is the desire to feel deeply. Mostly these days I feel cooler than a polar bears toenail – Oh hell. #Bigboi
Anyway – Yea. I spent my whole youth – kinda making myself immune to the pain that being young, skinny, and girlfriend-less brought. Unfortunately as previously noted – sometimes I think I did too good a job. So these days I find myself seeking things that will allow me to feel. I was telling a friend of mine that it’s been a long time since I’ve met a woman who’d make me feel like if she left me she’d just devastate my life…I’m talking – if she left me i’d be walking around in sweats for weeks/ slow jams on 24h rotation/ Making me recite Teddy Riley lyrics while buying groceries/ Crying while driving on dark rainy nights…. LMAO..maybe that’s a lil extreme. [For the Man-record: I’ve never done any of the preceding] *hides the Brokenhearted mix-tape*
Nah. Really – I’m not saying I want to BE devastated – but to meet a woman who so enthralls me that she has that power would be pretty cool. Then again – I’m pretty sure I’m glad I [haven’t met her/allowed her in close enough] yet because I’m sure that would require some changes to my life and I’m not sure that I’m quite ready just yet. But that’s what I’m looking for when I do finally meet my wife-to-be.

Imagine 24 hours straight of New Edition & Babyface. smh. I’m definitely not ready.

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..Colorful

Shame/Embarrassment/Regret….
Just stumbled upon the wonderful realization that these are absolutely useless emotions.
I tend to be extremely hard upon myself = can be beneficial
But when I inevitably disappoint myself these feelings can morph into shame/regret/embarrassment = not a good look
This combo, like Tekken, can leave me feeling down and out. When I get into one of these ruts, I can spend hours going all Goku-super-saiyan on my self-confidence. Leaving myself emotionally bloody and bruised and unable to muster up the self-discipline and focus that I need to accomplish anything; All in all its a very easy entrance into a particularly nasty vicious cycle.

But there’s hope! *In TBN Preacher Voice*
Recently I had a conversation that helped me to stop looking at my past failures, mis-steps, and even
horribly FUBAR situations & experiences as indictments of my personhood.
Instead I was given a new word to describe my past: Colorful. #Noliberace

Am I the only person who smiles deep inside when I hear that word?

For some reason it turns my douche-baggery into fascinating backstory in the Okechukwu Chronicles.

Magically my past-irresponsibility is transformed into character-development tales.

Man..Gotta love Adjectives.

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