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Baby Steps.


I’ll readily admit I’m a slow learner. To balance this, usually when I learn a lesson I learn it well. Usually this works out for me. Sometimes it backfires like old chevy’s.
I just realized that I haven’t really loved anyone since my very first love. And by love – I really mean, surrendered my heart totally. I’m probably not the only person whose learned that lesson a little too well. But ever since that first dust-up with love I’ve learned to only fall in like with girls whom I know couldn’t really do the damage to me that I experienced on my first flirtation with true love. [Usually by picking a girl cute enough to bring out in public but with some minor flaw that I put the 3rd grade-genius double bifocal magnifying glass on] This has manifested in a lot of at arms-length relationships, nonsensical fault-finding, and making sure that I dumped the girl before she could dump me. “Silly, Stupid, Fool!!” you say? I know. Now at least.
But up til now I didn’t realize that it was on purpose – I really just thought all my relationships weren’t meant to be. The truth is any of the girls that I really liked I could have built a solid relationship out of – but inside I just couldn’t bring myself to. Sometimes being safe = Being sorry.
I’m a self-saboteur of the highest caliber. A home-grown terrorist of the heart. Smh.
Anyway – now that I have denial out the way – I should be able to make a relationship last, right? ….. Right? Lol. Pray for me.

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