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“Its a War going on out here – NO man is safe from”

Context: Right now I’m on rotation – which means I live at all types of housing designed for health professional students which can be really nice or really..not nice. Anyway at my current residence – I live semi-close to the back door, which is the main door for all traffic into and out of the house. This is usually is not a problem. Unless the traffic is non-human.
THE SITUATION: The other night a female housemate called me into her room – which is the only room closer to the door than my room is. So I go in there and lo and behold she has a roach that she wants me to kill. So I do my manly thing stifling the screams that want to bubble up – and take multiple swings at the roach – eventually having to move half the furniture in the room in order to deliver the death blow to this roach – which had the reflexes and strength/endurance of Lebron James.
I leave my housemates room, feeling good about taking care of a problem for her and confident in my ability to not scream while crushing roaches. (I hate roaches…and rats..like really)

Anyway..

Next night – I’ve just awoke from a great nap, where my dreams were full of cotton, gummy bears, fabulously beautiful and wealthy women who wanted to be my wife – you know, good things. I put my feet on the ground of my floor – roll my shoulders back, survey my kingdom and head to the bathroom to take care of my morning business.
In my mind – all is right with the world! In my head I’m feeling like BIG MEECH…LARRY HOOVER…Woooooh *Rick Ross Voice*.
Midstream – while standing over the toilet – I look to the left – where my toiletry bag hangs. Inside my toiletry bag is of course – toiletries: Toothpaste, facial products, those little individual flossers, contact solution – the basics. What caught my eye at first, was the huge wet roach- wriggling its antennae like a insect middle finger right at me while sitting on top of the hook that held my toiletry bag. This made me curse ..$h**!! I was going to yell..but I couldn’t really finish the curse word before my eyes landed on his ride-or-die buddy who was sitting still as a buddhist monk right ON TOP of the Bristles of my toothbrush!!!!

Now..by no means am I pussy. But I screamed. Like a straight bit#%.
Like this guy —>

I screamed so loud – I startled the gangsta-@ss roach that was sitting on top of the bag and he moved a step or two. Anyway – soon after I finished with the toilet, I regained my composure and killed both of those roaches. I swear before I killed the second one – I heard him whisper “This ain’t over!”
Mighta been just stressed.
But the message was received – It’s real out here. And its On.

P.s: I threw out both the toothbrushes in my toiletry bag.

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