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Don’t Push me ..


“cuz i’m close to the edge”

So.. the other day I caught the tail end of CNN show that looked at a girl around my age who was living on the streets, who spent the day bumming money of passerby’s [with her friends] and using the money to get alcohol and get drunk. She had the ability to go get a job and/or go to school but when asked “why not?” She basically said: “Freedom” – “its cool not having bills, or having to report to a job where my boss yells at me” … and really..I couldn’t even be mad at her. That part of life or the American Dream is not what up.

And that made me think about a..

TED talk [http://www.ted.com/talks/cameron_herold_let_s_raise_kids_to_be_entrepreneurs.html] that I just watched the other day: The topic was talking about teaching our kids to be entrepreneur’s b/c the speaker did horrible at EVERY school he ever attended and had 18/19 of the signs of ADHD, but his dad recognized that he wouldn’t fit into the current American model of School -> Good Job. Instead he trained him from a young age to learn how to make money – without ever applying to get a job. So back to ole girl on the streets drinking – I KNOW that just like the rest of us she has a burning desire to make a difference/ To Live with Passion/ To EXPERIENCE this wonderful/amazing/messy/sad/desperate/Beautiful Mess that we’ve born into and find a way to improve upon it or leave some type of mark. But no one ever let her know there was a way – where she didn’t have to SUBJUGATE (thanks 1985nectar) her dreams of freedom to it. No one ever told her that by joining peace corps she could travel the world and help orphans in tibet, or that she could get her friends together and find legal ways to make money that don’t require an office, or ties, or memo’s, or fax cover letters. So in the end we just lose a creator/innovator to the streets and alcohol.

That pulled my mind in the direction of ..

My best friend. Who is currently living his dream. He’s not balling or anything. Yet. But he’s building something. And it’s something that is uniquely his. Something that no one can take away from him. Something that when he dies – others can look to and say “This is KP’s monument to himself. And Although its ultimately was for him – almost selfish – It helps me, it drives me, it inspires me.” I think that’s the true beauty of following your dreams. They become the food for other people’s dreams. And Lord knows that there isn’t enough food for dreams in the world today. Most popular culture is just fast food for the soul.

Which led me to think of ..

Revolutionary Road. The Movie. Have you seen it? Do you have dreams? If you said no to the first and Yes to the second question –> You need to watch that movie – and I hear the book is better: Its been put on my reading list. Anyway the whole premise of the movie is how the world reacts to people with dreams and how when dreams die – they may take you with them. [But please don’t cheat yourself into thinking that’s all you need to know about the movie – go check out the movie – $1 at the Redbox] And right now I’m feeling like one of the main characters. I’m doing the day to day thing right now – getting toward the Good JOB part of the equation mentioned above. And I’m not excited. I want sooo much more. And my problem is I’m not sure exactly how to translate this hunger into real results, or maybe I’m just afraid. I’m not sure. All I know is I cant stay in this place for much longer. I’m trying to breed a disgust with the status quo and find the impetus to push myself to where I want to be. I know I’m equal to any task that I set my mind to. Just gotta figure out what task I want it to be. Because the task the world is setting for me don’t make my blood rush, they don’t make me stay up at night dreaming of solutions, they don’t make me smile. I want sleep to be the last thing I want to do at the end of the day.
I have a preceptor – who is like that. She works 12 hour days – not because she is forced to.. but because she loves her job. Consequently she is the best at it. I’ve ever seen. Hands down. She can fit more information into a 30 minute conversation than some of my teachers could fit into a 4 hour class that met ever day for 5 weeks.

That’s how passionate I want to be about my work. My life. My future.
Lord Help Me.
I think this is a subject worth mucho prayer.
And even more action.

Fly or Fall.

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Gotta learn to live with regrets…

So in a post not too long ago – I talked about the weight that physical stuff created mentally/spiritually; and I decided that I was going to find ways to lighten my load…recently I re-realized that not only do I have to be careful of the accumlation of stuff..but also about the accumulation of decisions. Huh? I’m glad you asked – let me explain: So, where are you? I mean right this second? In front of what type of computer? wearing what type of shoes, clothes? What images are in your brain? What sites online do you visit? What’s the title of the book closest to you? What are your thoughts on marriage, love, family??

WTFlubber does that have to do with your post O?

Well, all those minute, miniscule details are there for a reason. You. Your ¬†(and perhaps your parents) decisions, whether thought out or not, led you to this exact moment. One day you were born and a certain amount of time and decision later – here you are reading this post, reaching for that book on the counter to read its title. Point is, while its easy to notice when we’ve overspent – (check the account balance, notice the Jordan boxes in the corner) – its alot harder to realize when the little decisions we’re making are clogging up our minds and hearts with unnecessary clutter (should i text her? Should I go over? Ill go hang out instead of hitting these books, etc) – These little, itsy-bitsy decisions are adding up- like snowflakes to ¬†either form a beautiful christmas tableau or set you up for a avalanche of epic proportions. The trick is to NOTICE and PREDICT THE CONSEQUENCES before they occur and make changes that will stave off disaster and instead bring the Winter wonderland scene we all deep down want.

A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it. – Proverbs 22:3
Fly or Fall.

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